Demonic Cable Box
Demonic Cable Box is the ninth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls series. Transcript (ringback tone) Pre-Recorded Message: 'Thank you for calling. Our customer care representive will be with you momentarily. To assure the... '''Milton: '''I hope so! '''Pre-Recorded Message: '...customer assistance, this call may be randomly monitored by supervisory personnel. 'Milton: '''Oh, great! '''Pre-Recorded Message: '...and remember, featuring on Pay-Per-View throughout the month of January, the box office hit, ''Batman Forever. '' '''Milton: '''Oh! That's all I need! '''Pre-Recorded Message: '''Ask our customer care representive for details. '''Milton: ''(nervously wails)'' (ringback tone) Woman: 'Customer Service. How may I help you? ''(demonic roaring in the background) '''Milton: '''Oh! Thank God you've answered! What are you people trying to do to m-AH! What are you trying to do to me?! '''Woman: '''Ma'am? '''Milton: '''I'm a sir! My name is Milton Fludgecow! I've been a valued customer of your freaking cable company for over twelve and a half years and this cable box is talking like it's a devil! It's spitting and frothing and sparking and chanting all kinds of demonic things! '''Cable Box: ''(demonic voice) I hate you, you old geezer! '''Milton: '''Listen to that! What are you- '''Woman: '''Sir? '''Milton: '''What?! '''Woman: '''Sir, are you sure it's not your TV or your VCR? '''Milton: '''Listen! What do I look like, a moron? Of course it's not my TV or VCR! '''Cable Box: '(frothing) ''You smell like doggie doo! '''Woman: '''Do you have a movie in? '''Milton: '''I don't have a movie-! I'm not an idiot! It's your cable box that's making all-! ''(cable box almost hits Milton with sparks) Milton: 'AHH!!! It's making all kinds of demonic sounds and spitting out sparks! Listen to this-! '''Cable Box: '''Touch me...and you die! ''(demonic laughter) 'Milton: '''N-now...now it's threatening my life! What are you people gonna do about this?! '''Woman: '''Sir, just try to unplug the cable box... '''Milton: '''What?! Do you think I'm crazy?! ''(cable box spits up sparks) '' '''Milton: '''I can't get within twelve feet of this thing! '''Woman: '''Oh my gosh, what is happening? '''Milton: '''GAH! '''Cable Box: '''You should've bought HBO and Cinemax, you cheap schmuck! ''(demonic laughter) 'Milton: '''Did you hear that?! '''Woman: '''Yes, sir! Um... '''Milton: '''Is this your idea of a big cruel hoax at the cable company? Are you trying to scare elderly people into buying premium services? Is that what-? ''(cable box makes more demonic sounds) '''Woman: '''No, sir! '''Milton: '''Well, what are you people doing?! '''Woman: '''I can send out a service technician out by Friday... '''Milton: '''By Friday?! I might be dead! '''Cable Box: ''(laughs demonically) I'm gonna catch on fire and burn your house down! ''(laughs) Milton: '''Oh! Listen to this thing! I-oh, my heart is starting to beat fast! I might be having a heart attack! '''Woman: '''Sir! Take a broom handle and try to unplug it! '''Milton: ''(sighs nervously) Hold on a sec, let me try that. Hang on! I'm getting a broomstick! ''(Milton grabs broomstick in background) Milton: 'I got...I got a broomstick. I'm approaching the cable and-! '''Cable Box: '''I warned you! I told you to stay away! ''(cable box electrocutes Milton) '''Milton: ''(screaming in pain)'' Woman: '''Sir? '''Cable Box: ''(laughing demonically)'' 'Woman: '''Sir? Sir, are you okay? Sir? ''(Milton collapses) 'Woman: '''Can you hear me, sir? ''(Milton groans in pain and presumably dies) 'Woman: '''Are you okay?...Sir!...Sir?...Oh my gosh, sir!...Sir? ''(ringback tone) Trivia * Milton would again be threatened by another demonically possessed object in the later call "Demonic Furbee". * Batman Forever is a 1995 movie starring the titular DC Comics character. As the pre-recorded message at the start of the call mentions, it was a box office success the year it premiered, with a worldwide gross of over $336 million. * HBO and Cinemax are both premium movie channels owned by Time Warner. Category:Prank calls